B Risque’

Last night I went to my first class at B Risque in Charlotte. They consider themselves an “alternative” aerobic studio. All I can say is that I have a new found respect for pole dancers! I could never get a job, because I am perhaps the most unsexy pole dancer EVER. It was indeed a work out, and as their ads say I was “workin it”. But it was super hard.

The first move that we learned you jumped up on the pole, wrapped your legs around and slid down. The teacher made it look so easy, as well as all the strippers I’ve ever seen. So I jumped up with easy and confidence, popped my legs out with pointed toes, and slid about half way down the pole…then came the pain. How in God’s creation do these women put up with this? Not only is it super hard, but when your bare skin hits that hard metal pole, it kills! SEVERE PAIN!!!

The next series of moves that we learned we spins. Also very hard, but not as painful as the slider move. I sucked at these also.

For the finale, we learned a choreographed routine. This was humbling since I had danced my entire life, and had a hard time keeping up with the teacher and her graceful stripper spins. She wasn’t a small girl by any means, but she managed to make herself look like Tinkerbell as she effortlessly side up, down and around the pole. Once we would do a spin to the floor, she would say and “get up sexy”. After sliding around the pole and almost crashing into the ground, I could barely get up, let alone make it look remotely sexy.

Today I woke up and my body hates me! My inner thighs are bruised, my arms ache and my foot (that I managed to hit several times into the pole) is killing me. Good thing I bought a 5 class card so that I can go back and torture myself again. Thank the Lord they have other classes like Zumba, hip hop, and sexy chair stripper class so that next time I’m not in so much pain.

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2 responses to “B Risque’

  1. This was probably the funniest damn thing I have ever read. I’ll spare myself the stripper workout and just start heading right for the regular gym. Thanks for the warning!

  2. The idea of Miss Proper Bremer slithering up and down a skank pole is just so funny. Tell me you wore stripper appropriate clothing. I know, I know, it’s so you can be toned and fit but come on–when the instructor is telling you to GET UP, SEXY you just gotta work that shit! Should I just go ahead and buy you some clear plastic heeled shoes now?

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