Yesterday, I wrote a post rehashing the largest relationship of my past in a play by play style. After sleeping on it, I had an epiphany: Life isn’t about the past, it’s about the future. There was something that had me reading the post over and over, and each time I did my knees grew weak. It may have popped up in your reader*, but I just couldn’t go through with keeping it posted on here. It’s just not the direction I’m trying to take things in life.
I have so many pictures and memories of my time with V. Our roller-coaster was long and furious. It had so many peaks and valleys, twists and turns, and you never knew when it was going to throw you into a series of corkscrews. I rode it for five years…
It’s been 2 years, 5 months, and 12 days since we broke up. I’ve never been stronger or happier in my life. I’ve deleted his number, I rarely want to call. We don’t communicate, but for some reason I felt the need to respond to his message the other night. If nothing else it proved to me that I know with certainly that I never want to get back on that ride again in my life. I don’t regret my time with V. It made me who I am today.
When the SATC Movie Soundtrack came out, I snatched it up as fast as iTunes would let me. I haven’t been able to stop playing the India Arie version of the Don Henley song The Heart of the Matter. I’ve listened to it well over 100 times. Some days it makes me think of V, but others it just reminds me to “put it all behind”.
They let you down, you know they hurt your pride
Better put it all behind you; cause life goes on
You keep carryin’ that anger, it’ll eat you up inside.
To the Heart of the Matter
Because the flesh gets weak
And the ashes will scatter
So I’m thinkin’ about, forgiveness.
Even if, even if you don’t love me anymore.