I adore watching you swim. I am impressed every time that you dive into the pool and dominate the competition. I know that you are level headed and dedicated to your sport. Not to mention your body is bangin’.
I can’t take the competition anymore. The medals, the women…it’s just getting to be too much. I can’t handle dating “The Greatest Olympian of All Time”. The pressure is too strong, and I don’t like sharing you with the rest of the World. We have to break up.
I’m moving on in my relationship with Ryan Lochte. He’s not the swimmer you are, but he’s not bad either. He’s actually delicious. I know that there are claims that he’s dating Caroline, but she’s ok with me moving in on her man. She’s so focused on swimming right now, she can’t give him what he needs.