The Stripes Speak for Themselves

I’ve had a super long week. I’m filled with thoughts but lacking the right words to get them all out…not to mention that due to my real life audience, I can’t always say what I want and feel. I just picked up the most recent issue of Creative Loafing and read the article Charlotte’s 10 Scariest people. Most of the people on the list would be irrelevant to the rest of the world, but there was one that was just too good not to share. I’m pretty sure we’ve all met him a time or two…


Striped T-Shirt Guy

You’ve seen him before. Hell, this is Charlotte: Chances are you are him. You work hard; you play hard. And you use that expression without a hint of irony. If you have a favorite book, it’s Rich Dad, Poor Dad. In line at the club, dressed up in your Abercrombie striped shirt, you’re out with the boys and they’re all dressed the exact same way. Were it not for the color of the stripes and the different brands of hair gel you all use, a girl could scarcely tell you apart. That’s OK; the girls you’re after are hard to tell apart themselves. I couldn’t describe your ilk any better than this essay by Mike Polk, now compiled in Look at My Striped Shirt! Confessions of the People You Love to Hate:

“Look at my button down striped shirt! F****ing look at it! This shirt means one thing! I’m coming home with some p**** tonight! That’s right! It’s been a long week at the office and it’s time to blow off a little steam! I am a Junior Vice President! I have business cards that say ‘Junior Vice President’ on them! They’re glossy and magnificent! Here! Have one! Take it!”

There’s probably a really nice guy inside you who calls his mom, separates his recyclables and maybe even cries a little at that commercial Sarah McLaughlin does for the ASPCA. But it’s hard to penetrate the thick veneer of shallowness to see it.


Have you met him before? Lord knows I have!


6 responses to “The Stripes Speak for Themselves

  1. HAHA! That was hillarious and SO true!

  2. ha ha spot on.

  3. Kind of reminds me of the guys who wore khakis, button down shirts and baseball caps to football games at Carolina. And this is what they grow up to be??? sigh

  4. I totally date the striped shirt dudes.

    Well, Porter’s not a striped shirt dude. But my first instinct just loooves this guy. (Well, as long as he can throw a football. I suppose that’s the real criteria.)

  5. They are ALWAYS vice presidents! And when you ask more questions you realize there are 24 VPs in their department.

  6. Pingback: Q&A Part 4: Life in Queen City « Not Your Plain Jane

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