Monthly Archives: April 2008

Bud Light

From the lips of David Ford:

“Bud Light is like making love in a canoe…
F***ing close to water.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
*He opened for Sara Bareilles last night at Neighborhood Theatre. She was pretty much amazing. I can’t wait to see her again in July!
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Resignation.

Dear Big Bill,

I am writing to request an extended vacation. I will need some time away from my lucrative account executive role (the one I waited 3 years to get and promised you that I would work harder and stronger than any of the other better qualified candidates) in order to pursue my life long dream of being a UFC/XFC bikini ring girl.

I will need a bit of time off for training, tanning, and some minor cosmetic surgery. If all goes according to plan, a delicious Big Sexy Cage Fighter (preferably one not taken) will sweep me off my feet and then I may never come back.

I have a feeling that this plan my have a few road blocks, so if you could hold my position open for perhaps a month or so in hopes of my return, that would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,
SJ

10 Things I Hate About You: Part 1

I started mildly dating the chef on New Years Eve. We met a a party and hit it off. I think it was mostly because we had mutual friends, and New Years Eve brings out the crushes in all of us. I never blogged about him, because frankly…there wasn’t much to say. We had very little in common, and after trying for a few weeks, I quit. Plain and simple.

Just when I think I had gotten rid of him…along comes the infamous late night text message…

TEXT from the Chef: “What’s the code”.

SJ t0 Chef: “Code? You must have text the wrong Sara.”

I laughed, rolled over and went to sleep.

The next week, on a random Thursday night at 2AM, the phone rings. IGNORE.

I’m curious now. What in does he want? Our non-relationship ended before it ever took flight. Why is he calling me? So I do what any other irrational 25 year old single girl would do…I text him.

SJ to Chef: “You called. Is everything alright?”

Chef: “Yes. I was just thinking of you.”

SJ: “Well, next time try to think of me at 2PM not 2AM.”

Why did I even respond? Well, I can answer that…I’m bored. I’m bored with being single. But I also know that despite my boredom, it’s a huge waste of time. I don’t like him, I don’t want to date him and I don’t even know that we have enough in common to be friends.

Why do I respond to things like this? And why did I agree to go to dinner with him?

I heart Sundays

I love this.

This is very weird. I always feel guilty if my dog is watching.

Some men pretty much “suck at life”.

Have you seen my rationale?

I think I lost it on my way to KY last week. If you find it, please return it to me. My soul is missing it.

I hate to admit it, but over the past week or so, I’ve made a few key decisions I’m not too proud of. They don’t seem too bad at the time, but looking back I have to think to myself “Seriously?”.

Today I was visiting with SAS at her salon on her break. When I was leaving, I was walking to my car and noticed a white truck blocking my way. I went to approach the driver to let them know that they would need to move their car…then I notice the driver is not in his car…HE’S IN MINE!! AHHHHH! There was a strange man sitting in my car!

Do I call the cops?

Do I go inside the salon and get someone?

Do I scream fire?

NO. Due to my lost rationale, I go up to my car and start yelling at the man.

SJ: WTF are you thinking? You’re in my car. WHAT ARE YOU DOING in MY CAR???

Creepy White Truck Man: I thought it was my brothers car and brother is a crack head who just broke into his house.

SJ: REALLY? Well then why are you holding the cast to my GPS?

I know I don’t always come off like a brainiac, but I’m pretty sure that he may be a crack head like his brother. I then proceed to push him and try to get him to wait for the cops. He got around me, jumped into his old white truck and drove away. I tried to go and catch his plates, but the little devil had already taken them off his car!

WHAT WAS I THINKING???

So, if you find my rationale on the side of I-77, please send it my way. I’d kill for it back. My sanity needs it.

*I’m very lucky that I am alright. Nothing was taken out of my car. I just feel like someone took a slice of my comfort and security. If this ever happens to you, which I hope it never does, call the cops, a friend or let them take your belongings. Just stay away.

The Price We Pay

TO: Jules

From: SJ

Subject: $1 Million

I can’t stop thinking about him. I will give you a million dollars if you can make me stop.
———-
Please excuse this brief message. It was sent from my BB.

TO: SJ

FROM: Jules

RE: $1 Million

How’s your BSBB? You haven’t talked about him in a while…I hear he’s dating some blonde doctor.
———-
Please excuse this brief message. It was sent from my BB.

TO: Jules

FROM: SJ

RE: $1 Million

Really? I wouldn’t know. Where did you here that. I think my heart just dropped-and I thought it was at an all time low.
———-
Please excuse this brief message. It was sent from my BB.

TO: SJ

FROM: Jules

RE: $1 Million

Haha… but it made you stop thinking about the him!!!! You owe me one million! I will take it in installments.
———-
Please excuse this brief message. It was sent from my BB.

The Older Crowd

“We’re grown-ups. When did that happen…and how do we make it stop?”

~Dr. Meredith Grey

There are days that I feel like all of the younger people I know, like the ones I used to babysit or my siblings are growing up before my eyes while I stay intact. Frozen as a twenty something. I am gaining wisdom and grace, but not aging.

That was until today, when I got a call from one of my little brothers friends. She’s applying for a position at my old company and wanted some advice. I was so happy to hear from her, I almost forgot that her graduating college meant that I was old…that was until this conversation.

SJ: I wish you would have called earlier. I was in town all weekend.

Young friend: I know. I would have loved to see you, what did you do?

SJ: We had dinner and then went to this new bar, actually we ended up there both nights. It was a good time. I saw tons of my friends.

YF: Yeah…I’ve been there to dance. It’s a good time, but sort of an older crowd…
SJ: I didn’t feel part of the “older” crowd until right now. Ugh.

~~~~~~~~

Since when am I, a big sexy twenty something, part of the “Older Crowd”. I thought that this place was pretty chic. And it wasn’t swarming with fake IDs. I should have known it was made for the old folks.

It’s official. I’m a grown up. Can anyone make it stop?? Please?